(T.M.E) : ..... How Mukoigo 'Proposed' to Mama Kangi.

It was a cold Saturday afternoon, around twenty years past. Mukoigo had just received news that his first born son Kangi was to be baptised, a sweet piece of news, but one which irritated Mukoigo down to his kingdoms. The baptism was to take place at Mama Kangi's church, as opposed to Mukoigo's option of a traditional baptism, where a funnily dressed man would walk into the compound carrying a few guards of water fetched from the source of the slopes river, splash a few handfuls over the clueless toddler's face, eat a load of food and walk away chanting things only known to him and the 'gods'. Mukoigo was still a young energetic man, growing enough cassava and picking enough tea to sustain his young family of three. There was just him, Mama Kangi and kangi, who was a mere 3 years.

"Mama Kangi, don't complicate this thing, don't you see how successful the children baptized by the village elder turns out?" He had politely told his wife.

"Nooo way, that dirty man will never come near my son.. ! We all know he fetches water from karigirigi and lies that he fetched it from the forest..!" She had yelled, "... That old man cannot even walk that far.."

"Calm dow......" Mukoigo had tried to calm his now enraged wife.

"Okey, what will happen when karigirigi dries up..? Will children stop being born since there will be no water to baptise them?" She went on "That old man fears the slopes river, he can't even go close to it's calmest part.. he only goes to karigirigi which even Kangi can cross closing his fingers...."

"I said calm down mama Kan......" Mukoigo tried silencing her once more.

"I wont calm down Baba Kangi, that man walks into people's homes claiming to baptize children, but all he needs is food..!" Her tummy had started heaving by each syllable that left her mouth, "... Where has he ever gone and left without eating? eeeh? where? Do you remember the amount of Ugali he ate at Kamau's baptism? Mama kamau still laments....!" 

At this point Mukoigo had had enough of her, and unleashed a slap, which had suprised Mama kangi, more than hurt her. Mukoigo was a calm man, who always avoided conflict, and even though people claimed he was calm because he was too frail to fight, his wife knew it was his nature. The slap left a few lines on her face, from the rough fingers used to holding jembes for full days. 

"Why did you slap me...?" She asked, holding her face.

"I wont stand here and watch you pour insult on a slopes elder..! Mama kangi where are your manners?" He asked with trembling lips. 

"Am going home...!" She threatened, and immediately threw her three year old son on the back, picked a few clothes in a kiondo and stormed out of the compound. 

"Go.. and let us see how your father likes that new attitude..!" Mukoigo slammed, as he watched his wife literally run past his old man's mud house, round the cassava bushes through their tiny tea plantation and vanished into the bare road. 

                                                                        *************

For three weeks Mukoigo had lived like a bachelor, making more trips to their local brew den, from weekly visits to now daily visits, only to come back late in the night and bang on his parent's house for some food. With time Baba Mukoigo had eaten enough of his son's crap, and decided to take the bull by the horns. 

"There is no food for you today..!" He had shouted the next day Mukoigo came around

"But baba ....." Mukoigo tried to sound innocently young.

"Mukoigo where is your wife?.. You chased your wife and now you want my wife to cook for you?.." Baba Mukoigo was evidently pissed off, "Today you go to your in-laws and ask your wife for food, not your mother." with that the door was slammed so hard that some of the mud fell on Mukoigo's head. 

That night was long, Mukoigo's tummy yelled the whole time, he tried taking water, which never helped. He tried to think of any fruit he could find in the farm, and all the fruits were out of season, and the on season avocados were green and very unripe. 

                                                          ********************

The next morning, Mukoigo had also had enough of his bachelor life, only one person gave him food without questions, and he had to go and get her from her in laws. He got up very early and put on his only clean shirt, smoked a few rounds of tobacco as breakfast and rushed out of his compound and set off to his in laws, picking Njoro and Baba kamau, from their homes, after figuring out that he needed a respected gentle man, (baba kamau the teacher), and someone who had a convincing tongue (Njooro the mole catcher). They walked mostly in silence, trying to figure out how to help their friend. 

"You let us do the talking, and stay very far away from the negotiations Mukoigo." Njooro had advised as they waked into the compound. 

The place looked deserted, but they could hear Mama Kangi whistling from behind the tank, most probably washing some dishes. They all prayed that her father was not around, and even though he was, that he never gets a clue on the going on's in his compound. They tip-toed to the tank, and found the lady there, busy doing a load of laundry.

"What do you want from my father's home...?" Mama Kangi had sneered, wiping foam from one end of her leso , tying it back in place and holding her hands onto her waist.

Mukoigo kept a safe distance as advised.

"We come in peace Mama Kangi, our brother wants you back.." Baba Kamayu had said, in the calmest voice.

"And who is your brother Baba Kamau? That person standing there, who beats a woman he has not even paid dowry to...?" She asked, anger in her voice. 

"Mama Kangi, he never meant to slap you...." Baba Kamau tried. 

"What...? eeh? so you want me to believe that he would not have killed me if i didn't run from him..?" She asked with tonnes of sarcasm. 

"Mukoigo is a calm man..." Njoro jumped in.

"Yes, calmer than an earthquake." She said, pushing the basin away and standing like she expected some fight from the two men. "I know him, since i have been with him all that long. Have you..?" 

"We come in peace Mama Kangi.." Baba kamau added, completely ignoring her question.

"I need to call my father so he can know what is going on, and ooh.. i advise you come with an elder too, and not that old man who baptises children." She had said, with an obvious sneer. 

"Noooo... nooo.. wait mama Kangi, let us not carry guns into a knife fight.." Njooro had spoken out "We don't need to call your father, i believe we can sort this out.." 

"Nyambura, who is out there with you..?" Her father had called from the main house. His voice alone had sent shivers down the three men, who now looked at mama kangi with eyes of plea. 

"... Its... It's nobody dad.." She had replied to their relief, and then turned back to them, "I need to be convinced that he wants me back, and that he will never beat me again."

Njooro looked down at the now abandoned basin of half way done laundry. "Well, i believe that is why we came here, to convince you to come back to your home." He started, slightly leaning on the tank, to keep Mukoigo away from his words. "Mukoigo is ready to do anything for you to come back, just look at him, he looks very devastated, and i believe it has been a few days since he ate. He looks terrible... "

"My son has to be baptized at our Church and not by that old mad man..." She cut him short. 

The two men were visibly insulted by her remarks, but they decided to not ruin the moment. 

"It's Okey, he promised to be Okey with that..." Baba kamau jumped in, looking into Njooro who gave a nod, then looked at their friend who was standing a few yards away, and he also nodded, not knowing what he was jumping into. 

"He even promised to marry you... if you will accept his offer..!" Njooro whispered, quite excitedly. 

 Baba kamau almost fell from shock. he was in for the idea of getting back his friend's wife, but not getting him knotted by the finger. 

"Ooohhh..! Really? I cant believe it..!" Mama Kangi had leaped in joy "Of course i want to marry him...!" 

"Now listen carefully," Njooro said close to her ears, "You father does not need to know about this, if he does, he will ask us to come with some elders and also to come with a goat. We know goats are not so many, so it would be best if you brought yourself back."

Mama Kangi was too excited to refuse. "I will come back, by noon i will be back home, i promise, and nobody will know about this."

The three men walked towards Mukoigo, patted him on the back at the same time, and Baba kamau offered the good news, "My brother, your wife is coming back, and her father won't know about this visit, so no goats."

Mukoigo almost hugged them in joy, but then remembered he was a man, and just patted their backs.

"But..." Njoro jumped in, "You will still need goats eventually my brother, she said yes!"

Mukoigo stopped. "Said yes to what?? i never proposed!"

"Well, for the sake of the slap you gave her, let us say you proposed to marry her through us..!" Baba Kamau said, giggling, "... and ooh, your son will be baptized at her church too. My friend, men of the slopes dont beat up women they haven't paid bride price for."

Mukoigo felt like killing them over and over gain and hiding their bodies, but he remembered they were stronger and bigger than him. His wife to be was coming home, he had better things to think about, like where he would get goats for dowry. 

"You two fools..! I wish i had stolen one of my father's goats and gone with it to her father's house...!"

They went back with minimum words shared between them, Mukoigo spent the day a disturbed man, he had proposed, without saying a word!




"Even though you gone,  we are still a team..." Rest In Calmness Lydiah.☹☹